The period after breaking up with a girlfriend can be a lonesome time full of doubt, fear, regret and pain.
Now you will learn how to get over a breakup the easiest, most painless way possible.
This article will not review how to get over a divorce, but how to get over a breakup with a girlfriend with whom you do not share children.
For purposes of this post we will assume the girl in the relationship broke up with the guy.
We can assume this for two reasons:
- Most breakups are initiated by the female and
- A male would not be reading about how to get over a breakup if he were not the heartbroken party.
10 steps to getting over a breakup:
This is how you get over a girl.
1) Understand that you are still in love with her simply because you can't have her.
If she all of a sudden became extremely needy she would cease to be so attractive. Men are in love with women they cannot have and women are in love with men they cannot have. If they could have them, that person would cease to be as attractive.
2) There are plenty of fish in the sea.
There are over 3 billion women in the world and the median age for women world-wide is 29 years old. That means there are millions of dateable women in the world. There are literally millions of women as good, or better, than her. There are prettier women, there are sexier women, there are smarter women, there are younger women - anything you can think of there are millions more.
To be obsessed with one in a sea of millions is lunacy. All her “great” qualities were something you made up in your mind. The truth is that women will change to please you in any way you desire. Women are chameleons in love and your hobbies and interests will become her hobbies and interests. A better woman can always be found.
3) She is not your soulmate, your true love, the one or anything else.
She's just a girl you dated for a while. Soulmates and true love is an invention of the movies and sold to the gullible masses. If she was your soulmate or your true love you would still be with her and everything would be roses.
If such a thing as soulmates existed then you would have never broken up. If true-love existed then she would still be with you. It isn't true love you have, it's true infatuation because she played you really well. If the girl actually was perfect for you then you would not have broken up.
4) Realize that when another girl comes along you will forget all about the old one.
The way you get over your dog's death is you mourn for a while and then you go to the puppy pound and pick up a new dog. Similarly, the way you truly get over a woman is to get another one.
5) Do not watch sappy movies or listen to sad music.
The media you imbibe affects your mood, positively or negatively. Rather than consume media that makes you sad, you should consume media that uplifts you and motivates you for the future. Don't feed that heartbreak fire with heartbreak songs, movies and books.
6) Realize that you dodged a bullet by breaking up.
Since it could not last, could never last, its best that it's over with now instead of in the future when much more could be at stake i.e. children, alimony, divorce, child support etc. A little heartache is a whole lot better than being bled dry from an unhappy ex-wife.
7) Realize that you will just be sad and lonesome for a little while and accept it.
You wouldn't be human if you had no emotions. So maybe you'll spend a week listening to sad music and drinking too much whiskey. Just don't let it become habit. Get it out, get it over with and move on.
8) You can learn from your mistakes and be a better companion for your future women.
That doesn't mean you should pay more attention or buy more gifts, you shouldn't. You should act in a similar aloof manner in which “the one” acted which caused you so much heartache and pain. If you want your woman to be head over heels in love with you, you simply cannot be too available to her.
That doesn't mean you must be rude or mean, but it does mean you cannot be too nice or too eager to please. Never spill your guts and always let her wonder about you. Conventional wisdom says otherwise but conventional wisdom leads to divorce from “unhappy” wives who didn't have the mystery they craved.
Your woman must look up to you in some way to maintain her feelings of love for you. When you maintain that aloofness she is drawn to your power, the power she craves for you to have but will never admit.
9) Never, ever take advice from women on how to get women.
They will lie unknowingly and tell you to be nice and be yourself and buy gifts, knowing full well that they despise the losers who do such things. Similarly, do not take advice from internet “pick up artists” hellbent on sexual degeneracy. The best person to take advice from is a guy who continually has pretty girlfriends who dote on him.
10) Realize that a lot of modern women will never be happy with any man as long as they live.
The reality is that modern woman has been spoon-fed completely unrealistic romance movies her entire life and she believes in them as much as she believes in anything. She believes she deserves everything she sees on TV. She will always think that her perfect man, her soulmate, her white knight in shining armor is out there somewhere.
Absolutely nothing a man can do will please such women forever. These women will die alone and will never, ever understand where they went wrong until it's too late. These are the women whom you cannot please no matter what. If you're dating such a woman you should let her go immediately and find a better companion. Don't fall for the “saving her” baloney. She isn't a damsel in distress and she is beyond redemption. Such cases will only end with you with your head in your hands wondering “why?”.
Getting over a breakup is easy when you think about it in a logical way and don't let blind emotion run you over. The old adages are very true: there are plenty of fish in the sea, you are better off etc. There is light at the end of your tunnel, whereas if you stayed on board with this woman there would only be darkness waiting for you. The right choice has been made for you, whether you want to believe it or not. Dust yourself off and find yourself a better option. There are millions to choose from.
Bonus #11) You can use the breakup as fuel for a great workout.
There is no time a man will hit the weights harder than after a breakup. Especially when she starts dating again. Instead of letting that baloney eat you up let if fuel your fire.
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If you want women to become obsessed with you read this article, but heed this warning: when a woman is obsessed with you, you will lose your desire for her. For you to be truly attracted and want her she must make you chase her a little. She cannot be too available at first because the chase is an important part of “falling in love”.
Great post man! Stoked to see it went up so quick as well. Cheers
my pleasure.
Good stuff! No matter how much a man has going for him (looks, personality, money), if he pursues a woman (any woman) too hard she will run from him. Aloof/Challenge is our secret weapon.
indeed.
Awesome article, I recently went through a big break up.
I was with my ex for over 6 years and she recently left me to be “more independent”, because I was the nice guy. I fell into this constant pleasing state, where I would drop everything to make sure she was happy, even sacrificing my own happiness for her. I became the bitch and she wanted to feel more independent and stable.
The breakup was hard, it’s been 6 weeks now, I was sad and felt sorry for myself for the first 3 weeks and then something clicked and I said “fuck it”, I got off my ass, hit the gym, spoke to mates (who I neglected for 6 years) and picked up my life (still a long way to go).
I have been out clubbing, hooked up with some girl (who wanted me) and as soon as that happened I forgot about my ex, it’s strange. But something that makes you move forward and realise that you are sad over the loss of company, rather than that individual and this true love, soul mate bullshit.
Still hitting the gym and concentrating on me. That’s the best thing :)
Thanks again for the article (and the rest of this awesome site). Will keep reading and share!
Broke up with my now ex girlfriend around 8 hours ago, last night. The talk was enivitable, and I knew it was coming. Read this article during our rougher times (2 weeks ago actually) and it helped me alot to deal with the upcoming situation. We had been together for 3 years, so from 17 to 20 yo. She was and is my first love/sexual partner, will be hard to get over it, but real talk like this helps ALOT.
Keep working on yourself and be bold and determined!
just a curiosity dude, how ur life is going on? things went through as per your plan? Did u see tht girl again or it was end of d story with her on 911 , 2013
m asking because its interesting to see d difference between plans and destiny
I just want to say that this article makes so much sense. I just recently broke up with a girl and I still feel like she took my heart, stepped on it and threw it in the bin like yesterdays old newspaper. Especially after I told her that I was still in love her all she said was that she wasn’t and was going for drinks with another guy who she met through a friend and may ask her out to start dating. The Cow!!!
But after reading this article, I know that she was just another girl I was with for nearly 9 years. All I can say that the guy who asks her out, good luck to him, because she is the most high maintaince girl on this planet. Also as far as I’m concerned he will be having my seconds especially since I broke into her for him, and that felt goooodddd.
Any way thanks for this site! and I will follow all the tips mentioned on this site.
i read this article in oct 2013 and since thn i liked this phrase (most hight maintenance girl on the planet).
m asking BAD (bold& determined)readers who commented on this article tht how things went through when they commented on this? tell us abt u dude did u ever met her or not? tell us abt these two years frm nov 2012 to sep 2014
each line rings truth here :) I think the thing is that we all want so many different things at different stages of our life, women want something men want something.. there are so many different kinds of women and so many different kinds of men..so many permutations and combinations that its not easy to analyse the logic of a breakup..
But some things are very true… drifting along will make us wimps, a well planned boldanddetermined lifestyle is much more likely to increase the flow of abundance in all forms.. be it women, money, fulfilment…
This is a truely amazing article. I just broke up ith someone that I truly loved; and she went back together with her baby father. This will definately help me get over her.
I stumbled on this site searching for noontropics information but let me say, this site is way beyond that.
I totally love to know what real men think about, not only about relationships, but the world in general and this post about Getting over a break up it’s completely true. There’s no way you can please a modern women, specially if grew up watching Disney movies and her favorite movie is “10 things I hate about you”.
We just can’t understand that men are practicals, direct, simple and no instructions required, but when it comes about women.. oh guys, you really have to deal with a lot of stuff, good luck with that.
Plus, if you want revenge, there’s no better revenge than getting over ASAP, that really pisses us off, doesn’t matter if she left you.
This is article is helpful and I read it everyday I think about her and feel self-pity. I understand why my relationship fell apart that lasted 2.5 years. But what she did I didn’t expect to happen, my problem was I didn’t meet her expectations in next steps such as moving together, get engaged, etc. I do love her but I got too comfortable and didnt take the risk. When she left over a month ago, I didnt expect her to already have a another man lined up and already with him, its dirty, but I guess women have a harder time being alone, when a break up occurs, I still wonder why. I poured my heart that I acknowledged my mistakes, I told how much I sincerely love her and will always be there for her, just no bite at all. She too caught up in the attention she getting from her life now and she still hasnt admitted she with a man, granted its not none of my business; regardless I did alot for her. Helped her with anything when no one else was there for her, not even her family, her school courses, and more. My only conclusion is she doesnt love me, why she ended up moving on.
Even I want to break up with you as a reader of my website for writing this nice guy diarrhea. Re-read everything you just wrote, the exact opposite is the truth. FYI - Your woman will never, ever leave you until she has another fella lined up.
Victor Pride: Can you please, elaborate on what you wrote here, “Re-read everything you just wrote, the exact opposite is the truth.” I’m just trying to understand which specific details in my writing do you mean by the exact opposite? Thanks
“When she left over a month ago, I didnt expect her to already have a another man lined up and already with him, its dirty, but I guess women have a harder time being alone, when a break up occurs, I still wonder why. I poured my heart that I acknowledged my mistakes, I told how much I sincerely love her”
That sums up what Vic says right there. Don’t ever spill your guys to a woman, move on, get better, and be bold and determined.
Women CRAVE attention. The other guy will always be lined up and waiting in the wings. Trust me I realized this myself. Stop pouring your heart out to her, acknowledge the mistakes you made to yourself, and fix them for… you guessed it, YOURSELF.
i done it darling
man! your post is absolutely brilliant…….i was a loser who pursued a girl ( i met her just after she broke up with another guy)…….i tried everything to please her….i gave 100% attention..i was very very nice with her….i gave her the best gifts…i was very sweet to her….But she used to be irritated all the time…whenever i talked about my feelings, she used to get angry on me and used to say “i dont believe in love, i dont trust anyone”……what the hell….i used to be very upset…i used to think i had to love her more…..but now i realize that IT IS ALL BULL SHIT…..
i like beauty.
Victor´s advice is spot on guys. Never take advice from another woman. On another note: A word of advice from a married person, NEVER get married until you absolutely know the girl. Marriage has NOTHING to do with sex, it will amplify her bad qualities by 1000 times. You won´t know until it´s too late. Try and see how she behaves with her parents, if she doesn´t respect them, she´ll treat you 4 times worse when she´s pissed off. If I could undo what i´ve done, i´d read Victor´s section on HOW TO PICK A WIFE. How I wish i got to this website BEFORE getting married. Woman want to get married because they are emotional, dreamt of it all their life, as Victor said, spoonfed fairytale marriage stories which are bullshit. Other women want to get married because it´s a way to be financially comfortable. If you want a best friend or companion, get a freakin dog, don´t get a wife. men mistakenly get married for sex. If you want a family, ok, get married, but do NOT make the mistake of getting married unless she passes the tests in Victor´s article on HOW TO PICK A WIFE.
Get married after 30, when you already made money, built a strong physique. NEVER change who you are for a woman. It´s NEVER worth it. all the best guys, let MEN be MEN, strong, smart, wolves. Don´t know how, this website will give you a good kick in the ass.
Thanks for the info man. Dumb question I’m sure, but why is your hosting so expensive?
I have a dedicated server, the traffic is too much for a shared hosting plan.
Oops, actually meant to post that on your newest article. K, thanks for the reply.
Thank you so much for this article… I just recently went through a breakup with my fiance after I found out she cheated on me 18 days after my proposal. You’re right, the grieving process does suck but it’s necessary. Now that I look back on it, I saw the signs of her promiscuous lifestyle and chose to ignore them. Lesson learned, know a woman before getting married! I eventually sent back the stuff she held in high sentimental value however, still upset she pawned the ring off… Did I do the right thing? I really felt like burning everything she left with me…
Brilliant.
dear vic.. i am a huge fan of urs..
i was in love with girl.. i behaved like a child so as to make her smile and happy.. now after few months she is irritated with me.. she says she does not like attending call always.. hey man i have decided to move on.. but her thoughts come to mind from time to time.. help me dude
Hi.
Was not able to comment on the “pick the right wife” -article, so posting this question here.
I need advice. I have to be honest and say that my girlfriend does not pass the wife-article tests.
I have observed that her father and grandfather are the biggest doormats I have seen, and the women in this family are trolls and man-abusers. Women take after their mothers, and I have confirmed this in looking at my girlfriends behavior.
The challenge in this decision lies with the fact that I have made her pregnant.
I am wanting more and more to break up, but with a son on the way I don’t know. Advice needed.
“Advice needed.”
Take control. Immediately. Be the man. Don’t ask permission to be the man. Your kid will need a father, not a Mr. Mom, so take control.
Will do.
And if that makes her flip out, she is definitely not wife-material.
Thanks man.
hope u r out of d problem dude?how things r going on
Victor, I agree that being unavailable works very well but how do you hold on to a girl who can sense that you’re unsure if you really love her? And have you ever seen this “aloof” behavior bring out neediness in women? If so, how do you deal with that? I sort of ignored it and that didn’t work.
Thanks
Perfect timing. Feeling better already. Dead lifts Monday and I will pull some SERIOUS weight. . . . fuckin’ right.
Thanks Victor, good stuff.
Great article.
LOVE IS A CONCEPT CREATED BY POOR. SO BECOME DAM RICH PHYSICALLY OR SPIRITUALLY.
Oddly enough I’ve never cried over another woman the closest thing to getting heartbroken was when I was in high school my first girlfriend cheated on me 2 months into my relationship it hurt a little but it immediately opens my eyes to how girls can be anyway I shrugged it off and began training for my last year of my wrestling season I feel that focusing on an objective like a mad man really helps out after that I ended up breaking some girls heart she was on her knees begging me to stay with her we were together for 2 years and the entire time she was more afraid of losing me than I was of her she was also an easy 9/10 and competed in fitness competitions even then I never let her looks affect me
Just got broken up with and remembered this article. While I’m upset, the reasons I got broken up with are fairly minor and demonstrated to me that even though she is smart and arguably ahead of me at this stage of life, she’s still pretty immature and believes in the whole ‘Mr. Perfect’. I hate to admit it but I had let some opportunities slip because I wanted to stay with her. Going to use this to light a fire under my arse, success is the best revenge and all that.
Main regret is that I never got our sex tape off her.
You the man Victor. Good article.
This is the biggest crock of shit ive ever read. Go ahead and promote emotionally unavailable men. Been there, done that…..Never knew how he felt about me even after a pathetic year of marriage. . Hope he finds the woman who does not need connection and communication…..goodluck to the assholes who believe this shit, LOL!!!! My bet is the relationship wont last…..goodluck!
#9 is true as true gets
”when a woman is obsessed with you, you will lose your desire for her”
Then how will you tolerate the mousy girl who is the mother of your children plus roommate for like 50 yeats? Because such a boring woman with no life will end up so obsessed you will consider putting her down like a dog with rabies to maintain your sanity.
That’s why I don’t get married.
Victor,
I want to break up with this girl but I want to let her down easy because she’s a nice girl. Do you have any advice on how to handle it?
Thanks,
Jake
Will be useful for lions in the year 3021 also
Great Article Uncle Vic. Exactly what I needed.
6 years of reading B&D.
I’ve read this article before. A couple of times actually even though..
I had never experienced a break up.
My girlfriend and I broke up today. A couple of hours ago in fact.
Victor…
Reading your article a couple of times BEFORE I got to experience the real deal meant:
1. I was prepared
2. I saw the end coming anyway
3. I am suffering 90% less than other guys out there who don’t have this information (mostly, thanks to reason #10 in this article)
In fact, the relationship ended on good terms. We were simply growing apart. I’m focused on business, she’s focused on taking some dumb drama class everyday. We both agreed it’s best to part ways. Most relationships do not end like this.
I’m going to be honest - it still hurt. But boy oh boy, I can’t imagine how worse it would have been had it not been for reading B&D throughout these years.
A genuine thank you for taking the time in writing this article. The day has arrived where I finally experienced what you speak about here but…
You saved me a ton of unnecessary pain, my friend.
If anybody is reading my comment, has a rocky relationship going on and fear that your girlfriend will dump you.
This is my #1 tip for you:
You should feel that the girl’s level of interest in you has dropped. She doesn’t act the same way around you as she used to.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking she will never dump you. No matter how ‘good’ she seems to be.
Compare her behaviour to when you started going out and when she was excited to see you and now.
EXPECT the break up to happen. Prepare for the eventuality. Then when it does happen..
Do not argue. Do not nag.
Say nothing.
Let her speak it out. Listen to her.
Then say: “Okay, call me if you change your mind”.
This is what I did. I stayed calm, let her speak out and just left her with that. After 3.5 years together. It seemed like I didn’t care.
You know what?
I drove my car and dropped her off at her house. As she left off, walking towards her apartment I saw her through the front mirror, looking back twice at my car as she walked away and I drove off.
Of course, she wasn’t expecting that calm reaction from me. Even though it felt horrible inside, I didn’t show it. Why? Because I was prepared for it.
The key to the “call me if you change your mind” line is not to fuckin go and wait for her to call you. You should go out and meet other girls!
You DO NOT contact her. Under no circumstance. She’s the one that dumped you after all. Let her make the move and contact you.
If she does, set up a date and invite her over for sex (if you want to see her at all).
If she doesn’t contact, you NEVER initiate contact. Lean back and go about your life. Focus on yourself: business, gym and meeting other women.
I hope this helps anybody that has not been through the break up yet. If you have been, Victor’s article is your gold mine.
Thanks again Victor.
Jeff