From the desk of Victor Pride
Subj: Why you shouldn't take advice from nice people
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I was shopping at the local supermarket the other day and in front of me in line was a little girl.
She looked like she was waiting to pay for something, but she didn't say anything so no one paid any attention to her.
She was at the front of the checkout line. There were about 3 people in front of me. They all purchased their food and left, the little girl just silently stood there.
When I got to the front of the line, I looked at the little girl and I looked at the cashier. I said “what does this little girl want?”
Finally the cashier looked at the little girl and asked her what she wanted.
The little girl said she wanted to buy some candy.
She was too nice to say anything so she just waited until somebody acknowledged her before she could buy her candy.
Finally after she was asked what she wanted, she was able to buy her candy and leave.
I learned an important lesson right then and there…
Being too nice can make you invisible in this world.
After the little girl left, a woman cut directly in front of me in line at the supermarket.
I had several things to purchase, the woman did not. She had 3 kids and a pack of gum.
She looked directly at me and she said, “I'm sorry, can I purchase this first? I have only one pack of gum.”
I said “yes, no problem” and I realized another important lessons right then and there…
Asking directly for what you want can give you exactly what you want.
In the span of 20 seconds I saw a little girl being ignored because she was too nice and I saw a woman ask for exactly what she wanted.
I see things like this over and over again.
As a happy traveler of the world I have learned this lesson repeatedly: most people are too nice.
Most people are so nice that it ends up destroying them. Let me explain…
In my travels I stay at hotels frequently. To find great hotels I often look at user reviews.
If a reviewer says “wow, this hotel is great, everything was perfect” then I don't stay at that hotel.
It has been my extensive experience that when a hotel gets great reviews, the hotel experience is poor. Those great reviews are usually lies told by nice people.
For whatever reason nice people have to make up lies about how great their stay was, how great the hotel was, when the truth is the opposite.
I once stayed in a hotel in Hanoi that had phenomenal reviews, it made it sound like the perfect hotel ever. In reality? It was a low end hotel in the middle of a slum.
When I got there I thought “Why did all of these people leave spectacular reviews when this place is a dump and doesn't even have its own restaurant?”
The only conclusion I can come up with is that…
Nice people are afraid to be honest.
(After you read this article you will understand that “being nice” is the same thing as “being dishonest”.)
Because they are afraid to be honest they do not leave bad reviews, instead they lie in reviews and pretend that everything is great.
Because they lie in reviews and leave great reviews they trick other people into making bad decisions and having a bad time.
Nice people aren't strong enough learn for themselves, they always want a path to follow.
They are afraid of something new, so they just follow what other people say “here is good for you to travel, there is not good for you to travel.”
They just believe it but they don't learn for themselves. Then they repeat what they have been told.
If they were told such-and-such hotel is good, they will repeat that lie and leave a review saying how great such-and-such hotel was.
Nice face = weak face
So many people think they're being nice when in reality they are being incredibly stupid.
Nice guys let people cheat them and let people think they're stupid. A nice stupid face is a lure for people who want to cheat and rob them.
Nice people are the easiest marks for con men and other nefarious characters. A nice face says “come cheat me, I'm easy for you.”
You cannot be nice to everyone, even if your mom taught you that.
You have to see clearly from your eyes who is good and who is bad.
You can only be nice to other good people, everyone else will cheat you.
I always see these idiot tourists being too nice to criminals and deviants who are in the process of robbing them.
Nice people waste time talking in circles, trying to say one little thing.
They focus on being too nice and they end up rambling and talking in circles, never getting to the point.
They try to say, “Please, I want to tell you something but sit down, calm down, relax first, I don't want to make you angry.”
You say: “Just say what it is.”
They say: “Well, you know, I just, um, please calm down, relax before I tell you, because, it's just that, well, I don't know how to say it.”
They might be trying to tell you that your house is on fire but you'd never know.
Nice people waste 5 minutes trying to say what could be said in 5 seconds.
To be heard, speak clearly.
Successful men speak strong and clear.
The strong man wants good business partners but he won't let anybody cheat him or his business.
When you do business with a strong man, everything is clear.
They call the strong man all kinds of names but they respect him and they fear him.
They love the nice guy.
Of the nice guy, they always say, “Oh him? He's real good and real nice, we can cheat him relentlessly.”
Real respect is only given to men who are not nice.
When a man is too nice he is like a child, the body grows up but the soul doesn't grow up.
You can be a good man, a strong man, but you shouldn't be a nice man.
Every man who is too nice acts like a girl, but the world belongs only to strong men.
To a female, a strong man shows his care through actions.
The normal, nice man, will always say, “I love you so much, I miss you so much, I really love you, I think about you every day.”
They say it so much they start to look like cheats and liars, and so girly.
Everything in this world is for the true man, not for the nice/fake man.
Nice guys are easy targets for other people who are faking their niceness. Outside, a fake nice person is a rabbit but inside they are tigers.
If you're out in the jungle and a tiger wants to kill you, what would you want to do? You'd want to kill the tiger.
If the tiger wants to kill a nice man he will start crying and say “the tiger will bleed and hurt, the tiger is endangered, I cannot hurt it, don't hurt it, boo hoo.”
They say all of that from the belly of the tiger. They wasted time crying about what is nice to do and they found themselves eaten alive. Just kill the tiger and run.
Remorse is for nice fools who are easily taken advantage of.
Fake nice people set traps for real nice people who don't know any better.
Once you're in their trap they'll eat you alive and all you will do is cry, “Why do people always cheat me, why are they always so bad to me?”
People always cheat you because you LET THEM cheat you and you say nothing about it.
They will forever cheat you until you harden up and don't allow them to cheat you.
Start with something small, like when you're in a restaurant and they bring you the wrong food.
For example when you order orange juice and they bring you a lemon juice.
The nice guy says, “Thank you for the lemon juice. It's exactly what I wanted. I'll be sure to leave your restaurant a great review!”
When they bring me a lemon juice I say “Take it back and bring me an orange juice. I am not paying for the lemon juice.”
Be smart before these people take all your money away from you.
And stop being so nice. All it is getting you is nothing, like the little girl waiting in line at the supermarket.
If you want it, be a bad guy and go get it.
Until next time.
Your man,
-Victor Pride
Nice men are in many ways like women. They can hem and haw, trying to find just the right way to word something as to not hurt your feelings. In the meantime, your patience is ran threadbare because you just want them to spit the news out.
My wife does this. I appreciate that she wants to minimize the emotional blow, as it were, but I’m more concerned with finding out what happened so I can determine what needs to be done.
As the old saying goes, “Just the fax, ma’am.”
Kindness…kills? Not dead but can be aggravating at times such as this
I often ask guys: “Are you dangerous?” Or: “Can you be dangerous?”
It seems like i asked something really bad.
Fools dont know that we csnn all be dangerous, if put in the right circumstance.
Just check vids of the Milgram experiment or Lombardo’s prision simulation. Both examples of how even “nice people” can be dangerous.
Anyway, my point is that anyone who doesnt know how to be dangerous will be prey to those that do.
And all those ultra nice folks are liars that should not be trusted.
Kindness is only a virtue for he who can be violent.
Agreed. Many times people make the assumption that being a person who shies away from a fight is virtuous. What they leave out of the equation however, is that it’s not virtuous if you’re to weak/incompetent to fight to begin with.
The warrior who sheathes his sword and seeks a peaceful resolution is the truly virtuous person, not the scrawny wimp who couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag to begin with.
Agreed 100%.
And yet what I find odd is the reaction of a lot of people when talking about being aggressive or violent. And I’m not talking about hurting other people or abusing the weak. I simply mean a couple of facts:
1) We all have the capacity to be violent, aggressive, assertive.
2) Those that don’t accept #1 are either full of shit or ignorant of human nature.
3) To build a virtuous character one must be in touch with the darker aspects of our being. You MUST develop your claws.
4) The person that tries to be too nice is and will continue to be repressed and unable to speak the truth.
Being raised to have manners turned me into a nice guy.
Once I started being honest my world changed.
Being a good guy and nice guy are completely different.
Reread this article.
-Dylan Madden-
I have to disagree about the part about people leaving good reviews for bad hotels. People love to nitpick, nag and complain at the smallest inconvenient things. If something is bad about a hotel, someone writing a review is definitely going to mention that. Why should they lie about it?
Look at Yelp reviews…. People love to complain about how bad their food or service is. People might be nice in real life, but you could usually tell how real they are online.
Never trust anything that any yelper writes. Most of them are more approval seeking than instagram models, and that’s saying something.
If she had been waiting behind me with a pack of gum I would have offered her to go before me.
If she had asked me politely if she could go ahead quickly because of the kids, I would have said sure.
If she pushes ahead of me in the queue… she can fuck off to back of the line like everyone else.
I’ve always argued that there is a difference between being polite/friendly/courteous, being kind/thoughtful, and being nice.
Everyone should be polite/friendly/courteous to total strangers. It just means you are a decent human being and aren’t a prick for the sake of being a prick.
Towards people you know (who have done you right), you should be kind and thoughtful. This means you are honest and while sometimes it includes criticism it also means you are supportive too. I could say to one of my buddies that the reason why he sucks with chicks is cuz he has no self esteem and because he has been taught systematically to fear everything and anything with a vagina, but I’ll also tell him that I can answer any questions he has for me when it comes to getting chicks.
Being nice is nothing if not manipulative. The only real difference between being nice and being kind are the expectations. When I’m kind to those close to me, my expectations are very low. I often don’t care how appreciative they are. But if someone is “nice” to me, they expect the world back and it puts a lot of pressure on me.
You should never be nice. Be kind/thoughtful towards those you know when you can, friendly/courteous/cordial/polite to strangers when you must.
Never be an asshole or a prick unless someone is threatening you or someone close to you.
Be cordial at arms length. Be polite but don’t be afraid to use a lot of “NO”.
Be kind but set rules with people. ALWAYS. Every Single Time. If you don’t set boundary, they will step over it and treat you like shit.
If they cross that first time, it’s warning. Do it again then it’s over. You have to set rules with people the very first day so they know you are not a pushover or doormat.
Most people are too “nice” these days that they interpret you being firm as if they think you are mad.
Call out passive aggressive people right there and then and if they deny then just cut them out. They will start using those tactics to try to play mind games and when you call them out, it gives them a way to weasle way out of it.
In my experience, Americans are too ‘nice’ compared to foreigners. [Exception if you are driving on the road for example; then everybody becomes ‘asshole’.]
If Americans deal with foreigners on daily basis, they will get a quick dose of reality.
Needy, being too nice, spineless, indecisive, and passive — all turn off in a Man. Not masculine traits at all.
This is great work.
There’s a lot of great points in this post.
Many forms of niceness are sneakiness even if just on a subconscious level. Why does someone feel the need to act that way? Sometimes it is because they are subconsciously making up for something.
I hate when people pussy-foot around with telling me something…. like you mention above. Quit wasting time and just tell me! Haha.
When someone is too nice and insecure it often makes other people feel the same way. Think of charismatic people that you are extremely comfortable with. They tend to communicate exactly what they want and not feel bad moving around a room. Other people usually feel more open and comfortable around someone like this. At a minimum they are more likely to openly communicate with someone like this.
Being timid is an evolutionary relic for beta type people. It goes back to tribal times where if you offended the wrong person you could be kicked out of the tribe or murdered instantly.
Again this was great content (No, I’m not being overly nice here. If I didn’t like the stuff on this site I wouldn’t keep coming back.)
All the best,
D
The story of the little girl is sad. None of the fucking adults cared about helping out and asking a simple question like you did. If it was for them she would still be standing there.
Great lesson, and I agree. I spent most of my life being the Nice Girl, thinking it would earn me respect and admiration. It did the opposite. People may “like” the Nice Girl, but they don’t respect the Nice Girl.
Awesome post
It’s possible to be nice without being a pushover.
E.g., “Pardon me, but I actually ordered the orange juice, not the lemon juice.”
If they charge you for it anyway, say, “Excuse me, but the bill lists the lemon juice that I didn’t order.”
If they leave it on anyway, just make a simple statement: “I’m not paying for something I didn’t order.” Then pay the bill minus the erroneous charge.
No need to be anything but nice at any point. Polite, but implacable.
In other words, you can be a nice guy without being a niceguy.
I agree with what you are saying, however I believe being a good guy and being a nice guy are completely different traits. What you just said would fall under being a good guy.
If you’re in a relationship for example a good guy will be loyal and caring to his female, but will not go into the nice guy category and roll over on his back for her to be taken advantage of.
Nice men were raised with outdated norms for a society that no longer. Niceness comes from gentlemanness which comes from chivalry. Chivalry was a code created to try and control knights who were too busy fighting and fucking that they were upsetting everybody.
Gentlemen had a strict code of honour and politeness that was underlied by a threat of violence for dishonour. Everyone acts nice when the cost of not acting nice is staring down the barrel of an angry man at 20 paces.
Niceness is the politeness of gentlemanly society stripped of the underlying threat of violence.
I once worked security at a gig where two rival biker gangs showed up. They were very nice to each other and to security but nobody mistake them for weak. Beneath their politeness was the threat of violence if anybody did not treat them politely in return. That was one of my most uneventful nights as a bouncer
Everytime I think an article can’t be outdone I’m proven wrong.
This is all true..You have helped me discover my weakness now.Thank you victor
Jesus Fucking Christ, Another One! And it’s shit like this that compels me to come back for every new article.
A lot of people be nice because they either don’t want to be “misunderstood by other people for being a kind of jerk” or “unsavory person” or they actually want to be kind people but don’t know how to be one properly.
A lot of the times people be “nice” so they can “get along with everyone in a social group setting” ’cause they don’t want to be isolated or ostracized from the group as a hated rejected social outcast everyone hates because people are “social creatures” and most don’t “do well” being alone in live for any too long a period of time.
In other words it’s “herd mentality”.
Also, nice people are also the most “approval-seeking” people who do not want to offend anyone even if they would be doing the right thing by “going against” something bad like “peer pressure among a group of teen to smoke weed together” and such stuff.
Nice people don’t want to be socially-labeled as hated *MEAN PEOPLE* by other people in the public; so that’s why they do their best to be nice to everybody.
Nobody wants to be the rejected social outcast of society.
People be “nice” to others so they can survive and make it in life.
But the real lesson we must all learn is to be KIND to one another and not a “sneaky fake niceness” that’s only about personal self-preservation and personal gain at all costs.
I’ve been “nice” to people” in life and BEEN MEAN.
Now I know it’s about being KIND to people out of a sincere heart and personal boundaries established between me and others.
Insightful post and kudos to you Mr. Vic for your “kindness” in helping out the little girl.
Also, congrats to you for your “meekness” in overlooking the past “transgression” of the mother with the kids to buy her some gum; she was in the wrong for cutting in front of you in the line; but thanks for how you appropriately handled that situation.
Like my father says, “Let things fall like water on a duck’s feathers” for how people can mess with you.
Don’t sweat the small stuff and pick your important battles to fight in life and know WHEN AND HOW TO FIGHT IT PROPERLY as well.
Thanks.
~ Bro. Jed
You’re so right and spot on.”Asking directly for what you want can give you exactly what you want”….. so true.I have met a lot of people who are afraid to ask and end up being cheated on.I believe a lot of people should be direct, fair and honest that way no one will take them for granted and can never be cheated on.Thank you for another excellent post.
You are my hero
Without your articles, I would be pathetic forever
Good wishes bro
As long as you have the capacity for mayhem, that’s the critical difference. I’m polite, I’m careful not to make needless enemies, but sometimes you’ll have to fight. Like that time I got into this fist fight with this crazy Chinese man in Thailand.
My experience is most men will back down from a fight, but at 5,9 and 168 lbs most other guys think that they can push me around and are always shocked, shocked! - when I don’t back down. Avoid fights at all costs, but be capable of fighting (verbally and physically) and don’t be too nice.
I’m a nice guy, and I’ll never stop being nice. Do something about it. ;)
Hey Vic,
Another great article. I know you’ll appreciate this, as it ain’t “nice” but it should be helpful:
I noticed you interchange “its & it’s” often on B&D.
I’m sure you know that:
It’s = it is
Its = possessive
Ex. from today:
“… when this place is a dump and doesn’t even have it’s own restaurant?”
That one would be an its. Also “strong enough TO learn for themselves.” And “the MOST perfect hotel ever.”
Hope that helps. Keep killin’ and drillin’ my man!
E
Thanks Evan.
most times, nice people are known as weak and less courageous people.
I absolutely loved this post. Thanks for sharing.