From the desk of Victor Pride
Subj: Embracing your true nature
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I recently received this comment from a B&D; commenter who is interested in developing self-confidence:
Hi Vic, what can we do when we are no longer able to regain our self-confidence ? Do you have some advice to find it? It’s very hard to live with no self-confidence and many people would like to have your advice. Thank you.
Many people lose their confidence because they are not doing the right activity for them.
For example, some big fat guys who are built like powerlifters with thick bones, ligaments and joints are wasting away eating salads, doing yoga, and jogging on a treadmill all day long trying to lose weight.
This activity is fine for a skinny guy, or a girl, but for a man who is not built for it the only thing this activity does is wreck his confidence. Yoga, cardio and salads do not fit a man who is built like a lumberjack.
If you're born to be a big fat powerlifter but you're doing activities like running on a treadmill and dieting on salads with low-fat salad dressing and no croutons you will not have any confidence.
Confidence comes from doing what you are supposed to be doing, and doing it well.
Your body knows what it should and shouldn't do so if you don't do the right thing you get the wrong results.
I was born to be a selfish narcissistic bodybuilding jerk who stares at himself in car windows. Many people would find this hard to accept, but I don't. It is just reality and I embrace it.
Maybe you were born to be an ice-hockey player, a ping-pong player, a guitar player, a this or that. It doesn't matter what, but it is something and you are not doing it.
Some people may refer to is as ‘cognitive dissonance'. The brain thinks “I was born to do this, but I'm doing that” and an imbalance is created. The result of this imbalance is lack of confidence.
Confidence = certainty
If you are not certain of your ability you will not be confident.
To have ultimate self-confidence you must embrace your true nature.
If you embrace your true nature with no apology it is not possible to lack confidence. If you do not embrace your true nature it is not possible to ever develop confidence.
Confidence comes from truth, it does not come from living a lie. That is called false confidence and it is easily wrecked. True confidence cannot be broken, it simply is.
Do what you are supposed to be doing and the confidence will come back as a result. If whatever it is you are doing “feels wrong” at a deep level that you cannot really explain, don't do it.
A lot of men wreck their confidence by doing feminine activity like yoga, cardio classes, practicing empathy and understanding, and meditating. Women wreck their confidence when they try to be as men.
POSITIVE MINDSET
Many people who read too many self-help books think that a “positive mindset” resets the switch and gives you ultimate confidence but here is the reality…
Accepting a positive mindset in a situation that is less than you desire is simply accepting to be “less than”.
Years ago I had a job that I hated and I would always make it known that I hated the job and it was temporary. A young lady I was with said I should just accept it and think positive about it, since I had to do it anyway.
I said I will never accept this job as my life, I will never think positive about this job, I will never allow this job to be anything more than temporary. I said I will never give in and be as these people.
I have never accepted having a job with anything other than a negative mindset. If I had accepted a positive mindset I'd still be there wasting away instead of being here drilling and killing.
Many people have a negative mindset because they are doing the wrong thing in life. If what you're doing is wrong, you must change what you are doing.
The right mindset will come naturally when you do the right thing and embrace your true nature. It is not necessary to be falsely positive, it is necessary to become and embrace truth.
If what you are doing is wrong for you, walk away. If you embrace a positive mindset while doing something that is not true to you, you will only be embracing a life of “less than”.
DEFINITENESS OF PURPOSE
Embracing your true nature is the definition of purpose.
A big fat powerlifter will never succeed as a yoga/cardio/salad eater just as a yogi vegetarian will never succeed as a powerlifter. A big fat powerlifter will succeed only as a big fat powerlifter and must embrace his nature to achieve true purpose.
When you embrace your true nature, ultimate confidence comes as a by-product.
For example, I was the worst insurance salesman who ever lived. Now, I am the greatest blog artist who ever lived.
I was doing the wrong thing and now I'm doing the right thing and confidence simply developed naturally. This is the only way confidence develops, by doing the right thing.
It is not even a matter of confidence, or arrogance…
It just is what it is, and I am certain of it.
Like Popeye said so many times…
“I am what I am.”
What are you?
Until next time.
Your man,
-Victor Pride
You are right that swimming against your nature will hurt you, but some people will never find their true nature until they swim against it.
You will never know until you try.
And when you try, you may actually find out that you are good at things you didn’t expect to be good at.
But even then,,,,,
There’s one more really important step.
Working.
I am a very good writer today. Not the best. Don’t claim to a best seller, but WHOEVER reads my new stuff, says it’s good.
Was I always like that?
Absolutely no.
I was a terrible writer 5 years ago. Mistakes. Poor vocabulary. Boring lines.
But I just wrote for 5 years and I became a good fucking writer.
And that’s why I am confident when I write.
I FUCKING EARNED IT.
And that’s how confidence is built.
You EARN IT with fucking work.
That fat powerlifter can become a fucking marathon runner if he wants to.
You earn it.
Every success = a brick in your wall of confidence.
I agree wholeheartedly with you. Many people are afraid of failing and thus fail to reach their full potential in what they are good at. People expect success during the first try. What people don’t realise is that if they have an iron will, they will definitely succeed one day. As a martial artist, I will forever remember this quote. If you persevere, you might not succeed but if you give up, you will definitely fail. Anyways, congrats on your success and I hope that better things will come your way in life as you continue to work harder.
I agree, you’ve gotta try everything just to see what your true nature really is. Also I do believe it is possible (and in these days necessary) to be really good at lots of things. The more things you can do to make money and build a lifestyle, the more confident you will be. Life is a mountain and you have no choice but to keep climbing it. The only way you can do this going into the 2020s is to master anything and everything. If you don’t want it all, then you don’t want one thing.
I agree with you. Just do something and see if you’ll like it. If you like it, you continue to work on it. If you don’t, then stop.
I believe that no matter how you “suck” on something, if you truly like it you’ll eventually find success there.
Like what you said you’re once a terrible writer, but you keep doing it, now you can see the changes you made for yourself.
If you love to do something, whether you think you’re good or bad at it, just do it. You’ll reap the rewards in the future.
Great article Uncle Vic.
What you say is true. When I was in college for three years I was always very insecure, timid, and broke like a joke. I would not dare to step up for myself or make my voice heard.
I graduated in may this year (2017) and started working fulltime at a salescompany a.s.a.p. because I knew I had to do it in order to learn sales and learn a valuable life skill.
After one month my confidence increased massively. I am not afraid to ask for what I want. I dare to make bold statements more easily and I have trouble speaking in front of groups of people.
Although this job is also temporary for me I feel I am in the right direciton because I am becoming able to make it happen on my own.
Thanks for the 30 days of blogging. I read B&D everyday to keep my mind sharp.
Fuck Yeah
Hello victor pride,
Another great article for the unwashed or washed masses. You answered the question in a different way then i would have but that’s you are you and i am i. Too many of us seek “motivation” to strive and achieve what we seek. Its like social media(i got off facebook 2 months and its been awesome)it can become addicting. We constantly search for a meme or cool saying or a poster with a celebrity that says “kick ass and forget the names” so we get our “fix” of motivation but iys an endless cycle. You will never get to wear you are going of you are constantly lookong for motivation from some self help guru. Tony Robbins has made millions selling common sense. All his jargon and ideas you can google for free but what he is really selling is himself. If tony robbins was a fat, ugly skankburger you would dismiss him immediately with great prejudice. He could get up in front of an audience and tell them they suck and are losers and they would applaud him. With his 6 foot tall build, perfect skin, and all 118 teeth that are perfect he can do no wrong and say anything he wants. Its like you said on one of your podcasts that featured mike cernovich, you (victor pride ) had to be in good shape, dressed good and looking sharp or everything you said would be bullshit. Bottom line is motovation is not a seminar or even a blog iys gotta be on you so you can sustain it and control it orherwise you will always be searching for the next fix. Thank you for time. *steps off soapbox*
You are your own billboard.
Your body keeps a journal every day of what you do or dont do whether you write it down or not.
Interesting point
Great post Victor!
[off] Vic, can you write about MGTOW (your no-bs opinion) ?
I’m 57 and satisfied with myself in my field. I know I will work until I drop but that’s okay because I know I am a night shift hospital worker. Day shift, management, another medical field, no thanks. My own skin feels good. Someone said I have lived three lives; no, I am three times the person I was before. Drawing the difficult blood orders that I do, directing airway placement in codes, feeling alive coming and going, that’s the cup of confidence I sip from constantly.
Thank you for your honesty in writing. I look forward and learn from your publications.
“I was born to be a selfish narcissistic bodybuilding jerk who stares at himself in car windows.”
Right on point! ha-ha
I always check out my guns and side chest in car windows - It’s the steroids of reflections.
So true. I’m 27 years old and one day, it was two months ago, something switched in my mind (by accident influence, but I also read Bold & Determined for some time and other things) - I began to think and then behave in the opposite way. And I start to feel very good. Suddenly, self-confidence appeared and I still feel it. I found something that I like to do and I’m devoted to it (it’s not a big thing, but it’s not important). People around me feel good about me (they smile when they see me and laugh at my sarcastic jokes). I was too kind and noble, but not real. I think I was behaving like that because I felt weak and hopeless, and good behavior was supposed to make others not hurt me.
“Accepting a positive mindset in a situation that is less than you desire is simply accepting to be “less than”.”
Thank God someone else understands this concept. People always argue with me when I tell them that being “positive” when your life is bad is just accepting a shitty life. (Why change your life when you’re in such a positive mood?)
Great article Vic, I feel bold and determined when I see that there are others who share my thoughts.
Vic,
I would like to see a post on Narcissism. You identify as narcissistic and I also see these same traits in myself. The thing that interests me is society constantly tells us narcissism is bad (and if I look at the extreme negative manifestations such as NPD, its hard to disagree), yet in the same breath society rewards all the traits of narcissism - and it seems to me that it is correlated with success, as a degree of self love is require for self confidence.
How do we reconcile and balance a healthy view of narcissism and simultaneously manage its negative aspects?
1. How to write better?
2. How to sleep better?
Spot on Victor.
When I was a teenager I bought a couple guitars thinking that it would get me a lot of pussy.
I soon realized that my small hands and lack of finger dexterity greatly hindered my natural ability. With my genetics there was no sense in learning anything more than a couple chords and a couple popular songs. Even then I still played like shit and I’m pretty sure girls would run away if they heard how bad I play. It was a waste of time.
For the past 5 years my hobby has been lifting weights and looking in the mirror. I’m naturally mesomorphic and look good with bare minimal effort. That doesn’t mean I half ass it, but it means that i’m naturally gifted at looking good so I exploit it.
I have never once gotten laid or made money from playing guitar.
My aesthetic physique on the other hand…I find that when I’m looking great I make a lot more money - and have turn down a lot more pussy
I appreciate your motivational words Victor, somehow when I’m feeling like I’m not going hard enough I read your blogs and remind me that I can do it. NO EXCUSES
love your articles man !! ,,can u come up with a post on how to SMOOTHLY answer a challenge in a social group/ situation
Solid advice, Vic.
Inertia is the root of all pettiness.
Yes, be one with your nature. Flow with the Tao.
When you are one with your true nature, you are your most powerful.
This also kind of reminds me of the story of “The Frog and the Scorpion”.
Thanks for the article.
All the best,
D
It’s the turtle and the scorpion, brah.
So true. I’ve heard it said that you are already as confident as you will ever get. You don’t need to gain confidence. The question is, what are you confident in.
A lot of yoga hate here. There are styles and techniques that are appropriate for any goal. If nothing more, there are breathing practices that could benefit any person.
You breathe in, hold it maybe, then breathe out, do some stretching. That has it’s place. Save the rest of it for the yoga boards. Glad, you’ve got something to hold your interest, but it’s not for us.
Great article Victor.
Best article ever.
Nature vs. Nurture.
Do what’s in your nature.
Nurture what your gut tells you is important.
Fuck the rest.
Great Article Vic, made me think.
I really feel very good with myself when I do something that I’m good.
It does not matters if it is a big or a small accomplishment.
You know why I stopped reading and being interested in Stoicism? I was about to live temporarily in my guesthouse (my business) after my breakup, because I couldn’t afford having my own apartment. Stoicism would’ve made endure that uncomfortable situation in my life. But instead of doing it with a “I’ll do whatever I have to do at the moment” mindset, I decided I didn’t want to sleep there because it’d be awful. Well, I didn’t. I managed to rent my own two bedroom apartment. Without a penny. If I had had a stoic mindset, I wouldn’t even bother making it happen. I would be accepting of what life was bringing me at the time. I would be sleeping on a bunk bed today. I think it’s stupid to not accept the past. But we can totally NOT accept the present. Even if common self help says otherwise.