“I was pretty much afraid of everything. Afraid of the world. Afraid of speaking. Really, really shy kid. Music was a way to speak.”
Can you guess who said that?
A) Anonymous shy kid on the internet or
B) Lead singer of Metallica, the most popular heavy metal group of all time
The correct answer was B. James Hetfield, the lead singer of the multi-platinum selling band Metallica, was a cripplingly shy kid who grew into a shy adult who made millions singing to enormous crowds of people.
Shy?! But he sings in the most popular metal band of all time! How?
Easy answer. He's a performer not a conversationalist. Performance is not the same thing as polite conversation with strangers. Performance isn't real (therefore easier) and at the same time performance bares the artist's soul and is completely real (which fulfils the need for expression).
Performance is more, it's bigger, it's grander and it's….easier to do than talking to strangers (if you're shy). Introverts like to live in their own world. Performance allows artists to have their voice heard, in the way they want it to be heard, and they can be “in their own world” at the same time.
“I could journal, just write poetry, or write whatever was in my head and sit down, strum a few chords and put that together and - that's me! That's me telling the world about me when I can't do it on my own.” -James Hetfield
…And that's how shy introverts succeed - they perform.
Everything “social” is a performance for shy people. That's why shy people are so drained after spending the day with family, spending the day at work, spending the night schmoozing at a party. Being around groups of people drains a shy person's energy - because the shy person was putting on a performance the whole time.
Every man who is shy must read these two articles:
- The #1 Legal Supplement That Relieves Stress and KILLS Social Anxiety
- The Magic Pill To Beat Social Anxiety
Being social with strangers doesn't come naturally to introverts. It's not normal for them. To get through it, they simply act. It's always a performance, whether big or small.
Sometimes shy people perform as artists, sometimes they perform as an outgoing person, but it's always a performance for a shy person. Talking to new people is a performance, not a natural act.
The best shy people perform so well that other people don't even know that they are shy.
You can perform so well that people don't know that you are performing. When I tell girls “I'm shy” they laugh in my face and say “hahaha! You're so funny! You're definitely not shy!”
The joke is on them I suppose, I'm the shyest person I know. When I was a kid I couldn't talk to anyone. You really have to get to know me for me to be comfortable enough with you to do simple things like laugh.
Do you know how I got over my shyness?
I simply pretend not to be shy. I put on a performance around people I don't know. I pretend to have a conversation with them, I pretend to care.
And that's how I got over my shyness, I forced myself to perform as an outgoing, sociable person.
Performance takes the “edge” out of being social. A performance isn't “you”, it's an act. You simply act like you aren't shy. If you act enough, it becomes real, second nature.
The things we think and do always end up becoming true. I performed enough as an outgoing person that now no one believes I am shy. My performance became true. I faked it 'til I made it.
A lot of highly successful people are shy (more than one would expect) they just don't show their shyness to the world. Quite simply, they act. They act as though they are not shy. They perform.
How shyness can help you
I get this question all the time: “I'm introverted, how can I possibly succeed with this disability?”
And I always respond the same way: Being introverted isn't a curse, it's a blessing.
Being shy or introverted isn't a hindrance or a disability. It's quite the opposite. It gives you time to think, plan and develop. Introverts have the time and desire to be alone and develop a skill - a skill that may allow you to speak to the world, even if you have a hard time speaking to Becky next door.
Extroverted people become energized when they are around people. Introverts become drained around people. Introverts need alone time to re-energize.
And it's what introverts do in their alone time that can lead them to mega-success. When you're alone you need something to do, you can't just sit there doing nothing, you need something to work on. And that's where shy people can develop talents and skills…
They have free time, they have alone time, and the “geniuses” are the shy people who used their alone time to develop a skill. Like James Hetfield, who used his alone time to learn the guitar. Like Dr. Dre who used his alone time to create music beats.
Shy people can be quite sensitive too. All great artists are sensitive people, when you peel back the mask that they put on.
Many, many of the most successful artists are actually very shy people. It takes a certain introversion to develop a talent + skill. That's because it takes time to develop a skill, time you don't have if you're out being social all the time.
Introverts have more free time than extroverts (time for practice, not time for play). Shy people have the need for alone time, and that alone time gives them the time to learn and perfect a craft or skill.
Talented introverts often spend years “in the shadows” developing a talent or skill-set. Then they seem to come out of nowhere (overnight successes).
Many of the biggest celebrities who ever lived were shy introverts.
It's often the people who have an inability to form a connection with a small group of people that have the ability to form a mega-connection with strangers (fans). They would often rather be in front of a large crowd performing than be schmoozing at a party.
Why would that be? Why would many of the most famous and talented artists and celebrities be shy? It's because:
A) They had the alone time to develop a skill or craft and
B) They are skilled performers
They excel at performance but they don't know how to have a conversation with strangers. It's a nice trade-off.
I was recently watching an interview with rapper and music producer Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre is very famous as being the #1 rap producer of all time, making more hits than anybody.
While watching the interview with Dr. Dre I was struck by just how much this loud, boisterous “gangsta rapper”…
Was actually very shy!
He didn't make eye contact much, he was often looking away, he was humble, and he wasn't braggadocious. He obviously lived in his own world (which is where all artistic geniuses live) and he seemed quite sensitive.
The interviewer mentioned that Dre rarely (if ever) gives interviews. Obviously not a big fan of talking to strangers, but a big fan of working and bringing the vision in his head to reality.
He obviously isn't out schmoozing all the time, yet he is one of the most successful rappers/producers of all time, currently worth an estimated 700 million dollars.
$700 million - not bad for a shy guy
How did a shy guy get so famous as a loud mouth rapper? He performed as a loud mouth gangsta rapper, that's how. He performed so well that we all believed it.
There's a myth that you need to be loud and boisterous to be successful. But that could not be further from the truth.
Intelligent people are often (but not always) introverted and shy. It's better to be intelligent than to be boisterous.
If you did need to be loud and boisterous to be successful you can just pretend. Just perform as a loud and boisterous person, and then go home where you can be quiet. It's called acting, and introverts can be very good at it.
An intelligent person can pretend to be boisterous and people will believe it. A boisterous but un-intelligent person can never believably pretend to be intelligent.
(I'm not saying all boisterous people are un-intelligent, but many are).
What to do if you're shy?
5 steps to forget shyness:
- Don't feel sorry for yourself - Being shy isn't a curse or a burden, it's a benefit.
- Put on a performance - Simply act as if you aren't shy in situations that require you to be social.
- Follow 30 Days of Discipline - 30DOD will make you get out of your head and force you to “act”. That act will eventually become the real you.
- Learn a skill - Use your alone time to develop a skill (a central theme of the 30DOD program)
- Have a mission - You cannot succeed without a mission, doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted. Have a goal, a purpose, a mission and everything else is easy.
More important than introversion or extroversion, to succeed wildly you need to be smart.
How smart do you have to be?
You have to be a genius.
But! you don't need to be a genius in all areas of study, you don't have to be a book-smart nerd, you only need to be a genius in one area to find big success.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is a genius. He isn't book smart, he can't even read, but he is a boxing genius. That boxing genius led him to great wealth.
Floyd spent the time learning his skill (boxing), now he spends his time performing his skill (in boxing matches). He used the patented V. Pride Shy Guy Training Method ™ and he's not even shy.
Frankly, if you do the work you will succeed.
Makes no difference if you are introverted, extroverted, this or that, or blah blah blah….
You still gotta do the work.
The recipe works for anyone. Whether you're shy or outgoing the success recipe is still the same…..
Learn the skill, use the skill.
Until next time.
Your man,
-Victor Pride
PS - Don't forget to start your blog and put your thoughts into it. You can use your blog as a journal and let it be your voice, the same way James Hetfield used his journal to write down his thoughts and get his voice out.
BADNET will do all the behind-the-scenes work for you, for free. It doesn't get any better than free and easy and clean.
Let the genius out and don't worry about the tech stuff, that's BADNET's job. You write, we tech.
See How to Start a Blog Overnight – Use Badnet and Follow These Easy Directions
PPS - Here are two articles every man who is shy must read:
A fantastic piece Vic. As an introvert myself I’ve been ‘performing’ as long as I can remember. Before I had an interest in Jungian psychology I actually thought my high energy was extroversion. The performance almost had me fooled.
Yet so many performers are introverts. Great stand-up comics, chefs, musicians. Introversion does not equal shy, but it does equal a necessity to check internally before acting.
You can view that as a weakness, or a strength. Extroverts need stimuli before they can process whereas an introvert can concoct a brilliant strategy before acting upon it.
But as you said, it’s all about the graft.
Thanks Adam.
Cannot find a good name for my blog. Just talking out loud. Thanks
I am a naturally shy person until I get to know someone else. At that point I talk a lot and let my true self shine.
When I started making videos, I felt awkward and would even sweat a little. It wasn’t until I started looking at making videos as mini movies that I started enjoying them. The way I got over most of the shyness was walking around Downtown filming. People would look at me and the be back off into their own world.
Regards,
Dylan Madden
Sounds like you were a lot like me in my younger days. I found high school plays to be a great release where I could act as any character I wanted; be bigger than life. It gave me a good perspective on being more extroverted in regular life. Plus, when you’re up in front of hundreds of people singing a solo, talking to a few people seems much easier.
That is impressive. I can’t say I would sing in front of 100’s of people, but I have found talking to groups much easier. I have a natural charm which comes in handy.
That’s a great point there about the introverted people Victor.
Being an extroverted person myself (as I think of myself) I am many hours with other people, but I have just found my thing. The best time for me to work on my website (and other things) is at the noon or late at night that I don’t see anybody and there is silence. That’s the way extroverted people can work on their thing, they just have to find their pick time away from others.
Also, this is a great interview with James Hetfield I like to watch at times, really inspiring and really motivational.
Thanks you for the golden advice my friend!
Thanks Mike.
The straight up truth. Some of the most talented and smartest people I know have horrible social skills.
I really like how you used Dr. Dre as an example. I’ve noticed the same thing with a lot of other amazing artists. These people never chase status like loud mouths do but yet their status escalates through whatever it is they have to express.
Very valuable information, Vic!
Thanks Leo.
All the introverted and shy people should read the book Quiet by Susan Cain.Its one of the best books about introversion/extroversion type out there..
I was so impressed by it I gave a copy to my parents,so that they can understand me a bit..
Wow,victor never knew you were an introvert.Always thought you were an extrovert..
The greatest performers are naturals..
In the sense that they work long and hard to appear to be completely natural.
Great article.
Former shy here, now I just don’t give a sh-t about other people’s opinions of me; 90% just try to bring me down anyways.
Thanks EA.
Hey Victor,
Your take on Introversion surprised me a bit. I’m glad you took it on.
I am probably a textbook example of an introvert.
One thing I’ve learned, though — I am an Introvert, and I don’t need to be saved!
As you have pointed out, Introverts are some of the most creative people out there; We are also extremely observant. We observe details that many of the extros never do.
It took me years of work to figure out what was “wrong” with me only to find that I’ve been given a gift.
Thanks for posting this.
Fucking loved this article. I was extremely shy up to about a year ago, then found your blog, started eating right, thinking right and lifting right and transformed into a ”man” almost. Still have a ton to learn, but what I have learned is that if you want something go take it.
Which is why I signed up at Badnet yesterday and purchased a hosting package for my site, been working on it for 2 days straight, I’m 17 but who gives a fuck, better start now, so I can be rich by the time I get out of school. ;)
Just posted my first article, english isn’t my first language, but I stil fucking posted it, because who gives a fuck, work with what you have, right. ;)
Keep it up Vic,
Benjamin
Thanks Benjamin.
I disagree on the performing not being real and therefore being easier, because as a singer in a band getting the stage nerves etc is all too real! However, I suppose when I act as if I’m putting on an act or use visualisation to imagine my success then it is better.
Everything else you said matches my experience. Like yourself, I’m a naturally shy person, who likes to spend time alone and away from people - I think that’s why I like reading Bukowski. From the age of 18 I learnt to act like a chameleon by acting social, by talking to people in terms of their interests and by being genuinely interested (or at least giving the impression). It was hard going at first, but now it is natural to me. Although I must admit, I still find people and their stupid opinions draining. I eventually feel the need to get away.
It’s a detriment really as we need people to succeed in many ways. A salesman would be nothing without the people he sells to.
“Everything “social” is a performance for shy people. That’s why shy people are so drained after spending the day with family, spending the day at work, spending the night schmoozing at a party. ”
Glad I’m not alone, I remember feeling like I ran 8 miles after attending a networking event. You have to pretend to be outgoing to succeed but you don’t need to be outgoing.
One of the quotes I’ve recently run across: Autistic people have to learn social interactions the way normal people learn lines to a play.
I’m really good at most interactions and a total failure at a few. The horrible part is that there is nowhere I can find to learn those few.
This is clearly the best blog of all time. Your number 1 fan from Africa..
Thank you Ikede.
Just pretend that everything in the world is a stage and you are just one in a billion (actor).
Learn how to act, and make others create their own perception on you (without having you even explain anything).
Perceived (overestimated, over-exaggerated) value - actual value = your gain, your benefit.
Oh by the way,
the link for this article
https://boldanddeterminedarchive.com/how-to-succeed-if-youre-shy-or-intoverted/
“intoverted” —-> “introverted”
thx
I’ve read a lot of articles over the years about introversion and shyness. After awhile, they all sound the same. Yours was original, useful and efficient. Well done!
Thanks Steven.
Great post, Vic. One of your best ever. Introversion is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, and society seems to tell us it’s like a disease, so I never looked at it from the perspective that it can be a gift.
Thanks Ryan.
I think Eminem comes across as quite introverted as well. All his middle finger up to the camera is really just an act. He probably started off as very shy and was maybe even bullied as a youngster. Now look.
Same with Marilyn Manson. I bet his childhood was messed up.
Actors on the other hand, I don’t really think they can be shy. I could be wrong.
Good article. I’m introverted/shy and sometimes around people when I don’t act I can come across as aloof or not bothered, but that’s just the real me. I think it comes from not really needing attention or validation from others. Introverts or shy people are somewhat happy being by themselves and don’t rely on others for anything other than a bit of company.
Thanks anon.
The solution I found for myself comes down to energy management.
Being around people, talking to strangers, making phone calls, it all sucks energy out myself like nothing else. I go into the red rather in minutes than hours.
Over time I started to understand and capitalize on the strengths of being an introver. I changed my life in a way, that allows me to utilize my edge.
I don’t leave the house and don’t talk to anybody till all creative and focus work is done.
That’s sometimes 8-12 hours without any social contact.
Guess what, it doesn’t take all too much energy.
Once the work is done, I move on to the energy draining tasks.
Grocery shopping, going to the gym, talking to girls, making calls….
As Victor would said, putting on an performance…
This post is a performance in itself.
I started my first internet business after reading B&D for a year.
If Victor can do it….
Well I wasn’t patient enough for blogging. I did not really enjoy sharing my thoughts with anybody, I rather prefer to keep them for myself most of the time.
Nevertheless, the moment I made my first few $ on the Internet, I knew there is no way back.
Four attempts later I found what excel at. Doing mid four figures/day now, with tremendous upside potential.
All by utilizing my strengths as introvert, and using my energy wisely.
Great comment Sebastian.
Sebastian, you just described me. Nailed it.
I used to be extremely shy as well and it took me a long time to learn how to “Act” socially. No matter where i go i can get into that mode and start talking to people and being social. The problem is that it drains me completely at the end of it. So much so that I need to lay down and rest for a little bit to get me energy up! My wife in the beginning could not understand why even though I told her that I’m an Introvert and at times I’m going to need some time to myself.
I have to agree with you Victor when I’m alone I tend to gravitate to learning new skills. My computer trouble shooting skills have gotten better with constant practice and many hours of alone time to a point that if I can look at the computer problem nine out of ten times I can figure out what is wrong. I like quiet as it keeps my mind running at peak performance. I’m learning this SEO stuff as well as writing and I’m getting better little by little as I practice this art late at night every night while everyone is sleeping.
I never thought of it as performing i just put myself out there. Sometimes though my Shyness comes out and I stutter like a motherfucker. Working on that as best as I can.
Great Post Victor!
Thanks Jose.
This post. Wow. I don’t always agree with you, and sometimes your posts get me downright mad as a hornet. But guy, This one hit it out of the park. Lotsa love, and keep on doing what you do.
Thanks Kodi.
Great article, Thanks Victor!
Thanks Stefania.
Vic, this article absolutely grabbed me right from the beginning. Metallica being one of my favourite bands which I also love to learn their riffs and play are one of the most influential group of people to me. I remember watching the interview with James at Guitar Center and listening to how he speaks about that very thing. It’s also interesting that he doesn’t do Meet & Greets anymore because he can’t handle the pedastal that people put him. He just wants to stay grounded.
All of that said, thanks for the killer article. Looking forward to many more!
Thanks Armanii.
As an entrepreneur myself I recognize in other entrepreneurs the similar trait of being able to turn on the charm when necessary but a strong preference to the mode of observation and reflection. Constant evaluation and course correction is absolutely necessary to building any small business into a thriving enterprise.
Introverts are naturally competitive. Their favorite number is the number one, the loneliest number.
Inspiring post Vic..
Thanks.
Hi Vic,
What about girls/women?
Were you able to get women beign yourself introverted and shy?
That’s grate obstacle for me…
tnx
D
Daniel, B&D have a blog posto about dating (guess what?) shy girls, how and why.
Cool article Vic. Have you ever taken an MBTI / Socionics test?
Nope, dunno what that is.
I am undoubtedly an introverted woman. I love sitting alone, contemplating and writing. I also have another hobby that requires me to perform live in public. Sometimes I have to push myself to get out and do it, but it’s not the performing that makes me nervous, it’s the interaction before and afterwards. It’s the mingling with the public who enjoyed my performance makes me want to run and hide. That is, until it’s over and I’m back home thinking, “Yes! I did it, and it was awesome.” I know I’ll never be a natural extrovert, and I’m fine with that. But I do like to push myself in an effort to get used to the things that make me a little uncomfortable.
Cool blog idea Ash!
After reading rich dad/poor dad I tried my hand at door to door sales and failed. What I noticed was sometimes I was successful but toward the end of the day I burned out. Had I been able to make a living off half a day I would have been right but needing to spend 8-10 hours interacting with others burned me out.
Working out I find to be a great way to recharge (being in my own world entirely focused on the weights) but now that I am one of the bigger guys at the gym people are starting to make small talk and I am losing the charge I get from the iron.
Living in an overcrowded city means I am forced to share a house and this means coming home is as draining as work. I have taken to going for long drives to be alone. Soon I ought to have a better job and be making enough to live by myself and make a simple home gym so I can get my productive momentum back.
Don’t forget boys, You still gotta do the work.
Have your purpose and do the work. The remaining piece of the puzzle will fall into place.
Most people want it all but aren’t willing to do the work. Not the readers of this blog.
We get shit done.
Let’s do the work gents.
I overcome my shyness by repeating “don’t think, just do it” when confronted by a trying situation.
Works wonderfully.
Thanks a lot for this great post! I definitely agree with everything you said.
B&D is so valuable.
Kind regards,
Jamo
Thank you Jamo.
Great article Victor,
Ultimately it all boils down to hard work and being consistent. Most people just don’t realize their potential or try to develop any skill. They become a part of the rat race, try to please everyone and in the process loose their individuality.
Loved how simply you put it “Learn the skill, use the skill”.
You’ve done a tremendous work in shaping so many lives. Respect!
Thanks Shobhit.
This article made me think of 6-time Mr. Olympia, Dorian Yates. Dorian earned the nickname “The Shadow” because he would be constantly working at his craft in silence and isolation year-round, then when it came to competition time, he would emerge from the shadows and blow away the competition. Dorian is undoubtedly an introvert.
For sure Dorian fits the description.
Great post
Thanks Rick.
Hey Victor,
I don’t know maybe you like black people? cos am black and a Nigerian. Well I don’t care if you like them or not.
I am a fan. I read articles here since the very fist day, I stump on it on Google.
Jump straight to the article:
I prefer to be Omnivert. Both introverted and extroverted life have there benefict. Timing is all that matters.
Was formally a v.shy guy but am over it now with full confidence. I love privacy and I socialize when I need to.
I love this article for one thing. The best time to be creative and work on your ideas is when you are alone.
Its necessary to stay focus.
Thumbs up
Victor Pride
“I prefer to be Omnivert. Both introverted and extroverted life have there benefict. Timing is all that matters.”
Great way to put it Daniel.
Funny how today I googled “introversion boldanddetermined” and turns out that this article has been posted less than 24h ago. I just hit gold right away.
Thanks for the great article!
Thanks Atanas.
Thanks Vic.
I was massively shy too as a kid and teenager.
Then I became a rapper/producer for a while.
Now I just realize that it’s an advantage because can use the introvertedness to focus on creating freedom with an online business.
Jonas
My man.
Wow… One of the first times I can remember where Mr. Pride didn’t use a curse word in his articles…
A fine read. I enjoyed it.
In actuality, although many “introverted personalities” are “shy” an “introvert” by definition is simply a person who “…become drained around people. Introverts need alone time to re-energize.”
An introverted individual can be either “shy” or “confident” around people. That would be a personal character quirk.
I’m quite naturally introverted although I am absolutely not at all “shy” around people; though “physiologically” an introverted person can feel their energy “drain down” with all the external stimulation going on in a social setting. Though, I’d reckon to say; that could become a “hindrance” to an introvert that “depends” too much on “being alone” to function at his/her best in any capacity of life.
I’m training myself not to let my energy get drained just cuz I may hang around a lot of different people. I’d recommend the same for any introverted person; good to work on critiquing and fixing potential “weaknesses” and “flaws” when you know yours.
Introverts can be quite “outgoing” and “fun” when they open themselves up to people they like and can trust. Amen.
Thanks Jed.
Hey Victor,
Superb job here with this post, really. It’s always interesting to see how introverts work differently and how alone time is necessary in order to get into a creative groove in whichever aesthetic area the artist calls their own. People often like to call introverts quiet people who don’t talk much, but as you mentioned above James Hetfield wasn’t necessarily quiet, especially when he performed vocally. It’s all about mastering your art and perfecting the performance like you mentioned. Real good shit here. Also I believe someone may have mentioned the book Quiet by Susan Cain, that’s an interesting read indeed!
Thanks Pete.
Victor, I would like to thank you for continually providing this type of raw, intelligent motivation that I use for creating my own art.
It is my my sincere intention to create my my own massive success and one day invite you to enjoy it with me. When Trump wins and you have that BBQ, I hope to shake your hand and introduce myself, just like I’m sure thousands of other guys would like to do.
Your a great man Vic. Mike is also a great man. Chris is a great man as well and young Mike Chagares is obviously on his way as well! You guys are all providing something that is so truly useful and inspiring to men that really need that type of lifeline. So many of us are leading bullshit jobs and ultimately bullshit lives but when we come across writing like this, its like a sudden realization that you truly can create the reality that you always wanted.
You have given us something that is of such priceless value. I only hope that some day I will be able to give back to you.
My man.
I love the style of your last two articles. They’re much more appealing to me than the ‘normal’ articles where you scream ‘do or die’ ‘be selfish’
Keep up the good work man!
Thanks Luca.
I’m shy and introverted, and this article has really helped me and encouraged me. Thank you so much Victor. You are such a great person.
Thanks.
Vic - I told you months ago to buy stuff for the BBQ already. Now you will see media claiming that HRC is “10% ahead in national polls”. The truth is that in a General Election you can win with 5% of the vote against a candidate that gets the other 95%. National polls are meaningless.
At this point I expect Trump to win.
So do I. Donald humiliates anyone he competes with. I predict Hillary will be humiliated beyond repair.
Hi Victor,
As an introvert turned extrovert this is absolutely spot on. I realised I needed to work on this skill to build business relationships and succeed with women. Selling and building relationships with people os key to success so it is extremely important and beneficial to work on being more extroverted.
Here are a few things I found effective (covered in previous B&D articles)
- Moving to a big city (London) from a small town made a huge difference
- Dressing well everyday (I dress like Conor McGregor at a UFC press conference)
- Practising good posture and eye contact 24/7
- Hanging out with extroverts, observing the similar traits/ body language and emulating them
- Got a more outgoing job which forced me to meet new people everyday
- Going to the gym
Being aware of all these points and practising everyday it started to come natural and easier until it be came automatic and effortless. People treat you differently, women play with their hair and eye fuck me, men get out of my way and apologise if they bump into me, people treat you like a king. 99% of guys dress like shit and do not exude confidence. I still need time alone to recharge but this is great because the real work can be done.
By the way a previous commenter mentioned the Myers Briggs/MBTI test which tells you if you are introverted or extroverted and is quite useful. You can find many free tests online which will give you a detailed breakdown of your personality types along with strengths and weaknesses.
This website has changed my life so thank you.
Regards,
Gerry
Thanks Gerry.
Love your 5 steps on what to do.
Whether introvert or extrovert, as long as we take it as a gift, then it will be a gift to us.
It is the moment we think it’s a curse then it will be a curse.
So believe in ourselves and have faith.
Thanks Shawn.
As an introvert I completely relate to this article, everything feels like an act.
Victor why shouldn t 18 yo write a blog. I believe You should write IF you have experience in a particular area. I know that most don t have the maturity level required and the money to invest in it. Just a quick example : I write and offer coaching on how to attain self mastery trough celibacy, how to transmute sexual energy and accumulate it, also about suffering in life ang things I experienced while at death’s door.
I believe that experience, knowledge and the ability to pass it on are more important than age.
That is the message they should hear
( 20 yo)
If you have experience you can write about it. Age not relevant.
Feeling a lil bit lost. Time to read B and D all over again.
Vic-
This rings true so much right now. Have been struggling for years with the feeling that I wasn’t being “authentic” as an introvert, but have started to have days, weeks even, where everything just works out & I sell that aggressive, dominant, extroverted style over like it’s always been there.
Personally, it’s something that I’ve come to require specifically for my happiness.
My greatest allies are concentration meditation & energy cultivation. The building blocks of discipline.
The internet has spawned a tidal wave of pressure that assaults our focus daily. Most are woefully unprepared, and shackle themselves to a multitude of distractions to remain calm.
As with everything, it requires discipline #1. Otherwise, you’re royally fvcked as you tweet, post, & snap yourself into oblivion.
As someone who sees the light at the end of the tunnel, I get it why so many struggling people are so adamant in their belief that “this is the way it is” ,,, but that’s the beauty of the age of information.
Those same techniques that mindfvck poor people into buying a new phone every 6 months can be used to lead & educate those people’s children so that, even growing up around ridiculous social biases and false prophets, they can authentically connect with the kind of person they’ve always wanted to be.
Thanks, man.
Thanks Gollyath.
victor Pride for President!!!!
?
When i was a kid ans teenager, i was very shy. Shy of speak, of eye contact, of being skinny, and other things.
I always had good notes at human science classes, more at Portuguese (i am brazilian, it’s like your English class) and was very bad at math and sciences classes.
I always had easy time for reading, writing and drawing. I was constantly looking for information, i was (i am) a reading machine.
Later, i found that i am terrible at being a salesman or anything that needs strong social interactions.
What i did was use my skills at studying and the what i learned in terms of food and exercises to get rid of the skinny fat curse and invest the energy at government jobs (making money with Adsense is my “side job”). I started at the Federal post office (think Fedex), them moved to Justice Officer (think US Marshalls) and then finally the brazilian Federal Police.
On the other side, my old brother is the exactly oposite. He never liked to read or write, loved to hang around with tuned cars, he easily get almost any girl, etc. He succedeed at being a car intermediator, a thing that i would die of famine.
I found then that the diference is: introverts CARE SO MUCH. Extroverts not.
So, like Sebastian perfeclty write ahead, if introverts learn how to focus all the energy on things that give pleasure, the problem is over. Daily “simple” tasks use too much our energy because we do not want to do it. We want to expend energy on things that we like (not talking about being a addicted gamer as a teenager).
When i started to focus on thing that i like and THEN move to daily social tasks, my life turned so much better.
Great comment Landowski. Thanks.
The point about doing things that make you happy…
Bingo.
I stopped doing things I do not like, things that do not make me feel good, or provide me either health or financial benefit.
My family and girls think I am selfish and a douchebag but I am much happier than I was when I was living a lie. Now I make the rules and attract the right kind of people.
Landowski: capitalize every I that refers to yourself. Your writing is quite good, but that one bad habit completely sabotages it.
I work in laboring and it is a very social environment with loud music playing and it burns me out. I used to work by myself doing very physically hard work but I was never drained as I am now having to talk to people and listen to music all day. Our society does not value silence anymore. Everywhere there is music loud enough to interrupt your thoughts.
Hey vic i’ll stop reading your website, i know i don’t have to tell you but i was writing something a while ago, and i noticed that my style was different, you have too much influence on me, on the way i act sometime too. That’s why you have so much copycat man, too much influence from you.
When you were in the jungle building B and D you didn t read others, or am i wrong?
I guess i just want to say Thank you for all the content and the support, but i guess it’s time for the young lion to quit the pack and go build one for himself.
I am on my own.
I read a few others, sure. I read more then than I do now actually. When you truly have your own style that you start not to read others too much.
See you in 5 years, remember this name “Tiger Bate
“I have long held the opinion that the amount of noise that anyone can bear undisturbed stands in inverse proportion to his mental capacity and therefore be regarded as a pretty fair measure of it.”
― Arthur Schopenhauer
Victor,
This is an excellent article and one that accurately explains the areas in my life where I have found achievement and success.
I tested as INTJ and I’ve dealt with the kind of introversion you speak of my entire life. Social life I find draining and awkward at times. Needless anxiety for no apparent reason around others all throughout my childhood.
There have been times where I have spent years “in the shadows” and those times I was able to achieve mastery in several disciplines. Disciplines which have opened jobs and other opportunities for me throughout the past 15 years.
My first exposure to the performance aspect of my life was after I was training seriously in MMA for a year with no intentions of competing and my coach told me “You are fighting”. This began a long journey of trials, of fatigue, of pain and blood. It was fucking beautiful.
I ended up competing professionally for several years and would likely still be fighting if not for injuries.
I had all these tensions and battles of the mind going on inside me all of the time since I was young. No one really cares to hear about that sort of thing in day to day life. Also I found that casting my pearls before swine was foolish. So I just kept quite while constantly training and learning.
I found that putting my ass on the line in front of thousands of people was one the most exhilarating and zen like experiences of my entire life.
As a form of raw expression nothing came close to the will to destroy another man and his will to destroy you within the bounds of honorable combat. The treasures of knowledge,wisdom and power I have gained through these experiences still live with me today.
Thanks to you and Mike Cernovich I have now started my own blog with no previous experience whatsoever. It has been like an extension of my very soul broadcast out into the far flung reaches of the internet. Hanging my nuts out there has given me a serious drive and dedication toward forming something from without that comes from within.
True masculine creative power.
Within a little over two months I have been constantly growing and the positive feedback I have received only gives me more aggressive momentum.
The results so far are that I have thousands of unique visitors coming to my site every 5-7 days and my subscriber list is steadily rising.
This has now become an obsession of mine and I seem to be formulating idea after idea for content in my head. Just in these 2 months I have soaked up an amount of knowledge and experience that is very hard to quantify.
Just wanted to thank you Victor for your positive effect on my life and I support your model for life 100%.
With your permission I would love to add you to my blogroll which I should have the page created this week(been slow on that part).
My man. Phenomenal comment Jack.
Pure Wisdom ! V. Pride the WORLD BOSS
I liked your examples of being a conversationalist versus being a performer. This is where the “fake it til you make it” mentality can be so effective, especially for the introverts among us.
We’re not all blessed with a silver tongue, but I think we can all get pretty damn close if we believe we are.
Excelent article. Can relate so much of it. Again after reeding one of your posts, i know more about me that i thunk i needed to know.
Greeting, Aljosa.
I also agree for the 30DOD method. It sure does feel nice to have fun while talking to girls.:)
These are people who develop skills at a young age while all the other “extroverts” are partying outside.
Speaking of Floyd - also notice how shy Pacman is when he is interviewed (even in Filipino). But now he just won another election as a senator (#9 position) not to mention being successful in boxing like Floyd.
Just one thing Victor,
I noticed that your site sometimes the page hangs and freezes when you press right click n the mouse…
does other users experience that too? Is that the theme or what? I browsed many sites and this is the only one that gives that error in this certain browser (IE) although I am sure its my Firewall’s fault (I am at work) just maybe you should report that to your theme support if that’s the case.
Awesome article.
Shyness/Introversion is basically a lack of self-confidence. That’s all it is. You have to improve yourself and take actionable steps to get rid of it.
1) Force yourself to talk to strangers even if you’re extremely nervous and sweating and socially awkward (You will become better, I went through this)
2) Use cognitive behavioral therapy techniques (google it, they really help)
3) Improve your physique/looks (Lose weight if overweight, improve skin, improve wardrobe, good hygiene. etc)
4) Surround yourself with confident men (Shy friends are ok, as long as they’re dedicated to improving. Confident men also don’t act tough or obsess over looks and generally have a relaxed/calm demeanor, seek out these guys)
5) Don’t watch porn (Know quite a few guys who “PMO” as it’s called these days - have very poor social skills, extremely shy and inhibited - it messes up your brain chemicals severely)
Once you improve yourself in different life areas and develop confidence, your shyness will gradually disappear. It’s not an overnight process. You won’t have to fake body language like these “PUA” gurus will tell you or fake confidence, that stuff doesn’t work. Like Victor said in one of his posts, forget about ‘fake it till you make it’ and just make it.
And you should do more research. There are measurable differences in the ways the brains of introverts and extroverts work. It has little to do with being shy. I’m an introvert even though I often strike up conversations with strangers. I like people even though I burn a lot of energy dealing with them.
Lol don’t make me laugh kid. I definitely know what I’m talking about - and have done major research in self-esteem/self confidence as well as shyness and Introversion.
I never said anywhere in my post putting down shy people/introverts, just something that needs to be worked on. Introversion and shyness go hand in hand - don’t get it twisted. We’re all extroverts as humans naturally, just differing degrees of it.
Kid, huh? You should have more respect for your elders. Introversion and shyness are not the same thing at all. Go read up on the neurochemical pathways of introverts vs extroverts. There is a difference. In fact, introversion reads like a mild form of autism.
You are very arrogant and you clearly have not looked up on the true psychological meaning of introversion. Shyness is to do with confidence however introversion is different which is not made clear in this article.
This post is on point. It’s funny because I actually wrote a blog about how there can be benefits of being an introvert when it comes to being successful. Growing up as an introvert, I used to think how being an introvert is a negative trait until I started seeing how beneficial it can be by being an introvert as an adult.
Another fantastic post, Victor!
Really connect with your message. You’re a great inspiration for my work, and you’ve helped me grow to be a better guy!
Just wanted to say keep up the good work. I know a lot of people who really enjoy and appreciate your work. keep winning,
Joe Walker
Hey Victor
I have a question, it’s not really related to this article. But you’ve mentioned that you are 6 feet tall, so I was wondering if you stand out a lot in Thailand and the other east asian countries you’ve visited. Do you feel tall most of the time? How often do you see any East Asian taller than you? I’m just curious because I’m also 6 feet tall and was wondering how tall I would be in Thailand. Thanks.
You’d be very tall, everyone would notice. Almost never is a SE Asian taller than me. I don’t recall it ever happening. Thailand is made for short people, you’ll have to duck and walk crouched on the streets sometimes.
Lol, I’m not surprised to hear that. Thanks for the response.
MAIN THING FOR SUCCESS IS PROMISE EVERYTHING AND DELIVER NOTHING, DO WHAT YOU FEEL.
IF YOUR THIRSTY GO FOR SIX PACK AND THE PAIN WILL LEAVE OUT THE WEAKNESS.
ENJOY THE DAY.
I really liked this article. If you have the free time use it to develop a skill and accomplish something. I hope a lot of introverts read this because it could be life changing!
Posted on my birthday? This has to be a sign lol
Im not introverted but i find the average people around me so fucking boring sometimes.
People just aren’t interesting.
Now I’m not some kind of fuckin paragon of intellectualism but man…. i don’t remember the last time someone APPROACHED ME with an interesting conversation topic.
Same thing with chicks, 99% of the time i want sex, not a conversation where i pretend i care about your boring daily activities…
I guess i’m just an asshole.
Your point is great but i do not quite understand the reason why introverts need to act to become extroverts . You just claimed that being an introvert is a blessing , so why we need to perform like we are out-going ?
Many thanks,
Tom
I just bought my first guitar, inspired by James Hetfield… I too am introverted but only because im very picky with whom I share my thoughts. Some people you can just tell that in a tough situation they would never have your back and that they have a limited mind. I can sense those people and weed them out. Ive been called antisocial but I got a whole crew of friends that are like me and they would jump in the fire with me if they have to. We are also on the same path. And we also read B&D. Coincidence? I think not.